“ Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced." Phone Guy.
“Pity, I WAS really Hoping that we’d allow cremation on site!” James laughs maniacally into the phone.
The question one has to ask themselves is, how desperate are you to hire this guy has the night guard? James "Pyro" Storm, is by far the one choice that even the most desperate might beg to leave the store. Not Fazbear's.
Blah blah blah, now that might sound bad, I know, but there's really nothing to worry about.
“Oh ya see now that's the part where I’d like to question and ask whether or not I want this job ya see I just love to worry about things, especially on things like whether or not this job is going to be entertaining as you don’t make it out to be, cause if it's gonna be dull…” Pulls out a can of Lysol and lighter. “I might just want to spice it up a bit.” His laughter echoes off the walls as he sends some Lysol through the lit lighter causing a jet of flame aimed at one of the doors which illuminates Bonnie who had stepped up to observe the new night guard.
“OHHHHH SORRY about that Mate!” Putting a hand on the shoulder of the smoking rabbit and speaking with an Australian accent, “I was really hoping for Crispy chicken tonight, do give my regards to your tailor thank you goodbye now.” James says brushing Bonnie off, but leaving him smoldering at the door, as he closes it.
So, remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Okay.
“Right I did that, I apologized.” James said in mock Australian.
Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?
“Not really, A few people I’ve cooked still live without working lungs, partially beating heart and half of their head scorched off so a, No, no that not really that impressive.” He says spinning the phone around like a revolver.
Uh, now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a person. They'll p-most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to...forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit. Um, now, that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area. So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask, heh.
“OH Yeah BABY NOW The party is ON!” James says kicking the fan of the desk and clicking the door button for it to open. “Love it animatronics that love stuffin you into suits, woohoo!!! I love this place, tell me mr. Phone guy, yah ever been stuffed in a animatronic suit before while being burned alive in the process? No, Oh well then I might as well find out OooH HOOOH HOOO!!!” Laughing and walking out of the office with his lighter and cans or aerosol.
“Wait a minute, Lemme remember this for a second, I walked out the left door which means I not gonna get a chicken. So for remembering Hot Cross BUNNIES on the left, and Crispy chicken on the right! There we go O jolly good!!!” Mocking the British accent before turning around and walking through the office and out the right door.
“Ah there we go a nice juicy plump chicken, with serious overbite, or is that underbite, how does one determine it when the little sheep has a beak?” Laughing at his own joke he darts into the kitchen with Chica in close range.
“In Soviet Russia, Chicken eats man,” James says as he turns on the oven and spills melted butter on the floor for Chica to slip on when she steps in and opens the door. Chica dashs in emitting the classic scream, only to slip slide and fly into the oven. James slams the oven door shut. “But we are dear reader, in America, and therefore here We eat the chicken. With Chica in oven I might actually live to see the day.” “Thats right dear reader you can probably guess I laughed after I said that.”
Walking out of the kitchen, and looking around. “Hot cross Bunnies, hot cross bunnies, One a penny two a penny, Why look there’s one now!” Pointing at the still smoldering Bonnie. Shuffling toward him. James backs into the main stage and set alight Freddy. “OH no The horror the horror Freddy has broken the rules, Look away Mr. Bunny.” He says turning Bonnie forcibly away from the burning Freddy. “Its too horrible, Freddy has broken the Fazbear rule, all animatronics must have a suit ana now he has none, Oh the horror the horror.” Bonnie turns toward Freddy and prepares to grab his endoskeleton to stuff into a spare suit in the supply room.
“Thats right you go ahead and go solve the em-Bear-asing problem.” Watching and laughing as Bonnie is pushing Freddy’s endoskeleton into the supply room.
“Now where was I Oh yes.” James says spotting the door to the pirate cove, and ripping down a curtain from the stage. “Now let me see the generator uses kerosene no?”
“Now I need something for fuel, aha yes Golden freddy suit that’ll work. Now Is there anybody in there? Popping the head off of it before pouring some kerosene into the suit. “AAAAH, such a lovely smell that kerosene is, and if there was anybody in it they’ll be gone now.”
Puts the head back on afterward and hangs it up on a rafter. “Now Let me see, what am I forgeting before I run into pirate cove with A flaming suit? Oh Yes I forgot to light the bear.” Striking a match on the wall and tossing it through golden freddy’s eye. “I gonna make a foxy Flambe!” “And yes I laughed.
“Charging for all you kids out there into pirate cove might not be the wisest idea, please leave it to the professionals to do so, but wait I am not a professional, I just ametuar.”
"Eh, the heck with rules, I burned the rule book when I was six." He smashed through the pirate cove making foxy freak out, till it exploded from the fire and from panic.
"Ah, a good workout desires a good shower, remember kids nothing beat a napalm bath!". He stands up and taking a lighter wanders back into the store and notices Freddy and Bonnie and the puppet headed his way.
"Oh the puppet come out to play, awww, Come to play with fire!!!" He lights the lighter and sets himself ablaze.
The animatronics stop for a second, then begin to back away has his unnatural face is illuminated by the smoke and fire raging off him has he steps closer. "You know, If Chica was here I could blame the heat on her, but since She isn't I just gonna say I gonna have to make a Bear barbecue and served with some hot cross Bonnie's and heck with it, I'll share it with a meal of marionette!" In mock french.
"Dinner is served." James says lunging forward in mock Italian.
"Fired, I am Fired!?! *hugs manager* Thank you so much, now how are you going to fire me!"
"Your weird. And insane." The manager said.
Splashes manager in face with lysol can, and light to the torch, before torching his own face.
AHHHHHHH!!!! manager screams in agony.
"Fun huh, Woooohhhooooo!!!!" James saids cartwheeling away. Onto the next arsonary but first I gonna need a new face.